


Hello, My Old Heart

by greed (kingkirkwall)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Android Gore (Detroit: Become Human), Blood and Injury, Friends to Lovers, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Soft Gavin Reed, Soft Upgraded Connor | RK900, Touch-Starved Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Is Bad at Feelings, impending reed1700 because connor is cute and i can't help it, thirium pouches are basically like capri sun right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21725713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingkirkwall/pseuds/greed
Summary: Things have slowed to a pleasant buzz at the DPD. Gavin and Nines are finally at equilibrium with their partnership. However, this won't last for long with vicious anti-android groups threatening to tear them apart. Will they be able to overcome their biggest hurdle yet?Hello, my old heart, how have you been?Are you still there inside my chest?I've been so worried, you've been so still, barely beating at allOh, don't leave me here alone, don't tell me that we've grown, for having loved a little whileOh, I don't wanna be aloneI wanna find a home, and I wanna share it with youThe Oh Hellos
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 36
Kudos: 98
Collections: New ERA Discord: Winter Big Bang





	1. ∧ 43% Level of Stress

**Author's Note:**

> the amazing artwork for this was drawn by [dittyditto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triple_A/pseuds/dittyditto) and i love it SO MUCH
> 
> the fic summary was written by @sunkiller44 on the new era discord, whomst is a genius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> youtube playthroughs: here's the evil ending where the RK900 shows up!!  
> me: babie

Nines frowned as he adjusted his grip on the somehow _already_ crumpled box that contained an assortment of donuts and pastries. He did not understand Gavin’s obsession with consuming so much refined sugar, and he was sure it was one puzzle that he was unlikely to unravel.

He was _tired_. It seemed like they had been spending every waking moment working on this case, and though he was loathe to admit it, the pressure had taken a toll on him. He had neglected to let himself fall into standby recalibration for the past 154.47 hours in order to remain as efficient as possible, ignoring the error dialogue that had been popping up for the past day or so.

_Perhaps I will request a half day from Captain Fowler, and then alert Gavin that I will be leaving early, he mused. Maybe I can convince him to take the day off as well._

He entered the alley that led to the DPD delivery entrance. If he used this door there was only a 27.12% chance that he would encounter civilians who may recognize him, either as the only existing RK900 unit, or mistaking him for Connor. In spite of the successful and peaceful android revolution last year, anti-android groups still ran rampant in Detroit, and he would rather avoid any surprise introductions.

As he began to climb the stairs up to his destination, Nines stumbled, and his hand shot out to grip the metal handrail to regain his balance.

∧ 43% LEVEL OF STRESS  
AUDIO PROCESSOR Impaired audio data  
OPTICAL UNIT Impaired vision data  
WARNING! +0.02% Damage to Mind Palace

RECALIBRATE? > 「Yes」  
RECALIBRATING...RECALIBRATING…

OPTICAL UNIT Fully functional  
AUDIO PROCESSOR Impaired audio data  
RECALIBRATE?

He blinked rapidly as the visual anomalies cleared away. That was... _concerning_. He would have to ask Connor about sending a patch inquiry to the Jericho software engineers. Even though he was the most advanced android in existence, he was still CyberLife's last prototype. He sighed and leaned against the metal railing, letting his eyes fall shut. _Flaws like this were bound to make themselves known eventually. I must remember to not let so much time elapse before resting... maybe I’ll just tell the Captain that I’ll be taking a few days off_.

RECALIBRATE? > 「Yes」  
RECALIBRATING...RECALIBRATING…

WARNING! Preconstruction function is OFFLINE during recalibration.  
WARNING! Proximity imminent!

_Proximity?_ Nines opened his eyes just in time to see a steel pipe that was being swung at his head. It the side of his face with a loud, ringing _PING_ , and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to assuage the discomfort reverberating through his skull. He tried to open his eyes again as he dropped, arms clumsily reaching to break his fall. He landed roughly at the bottom of the steps, donuts escaping the box to scatter out onto the dirt.

∧ 59% LEVEL OF STRESS  
BIOCOMPONENT #3983v Sustained minor damage  
EXTERNAL FEEDBACK BIOCOMPONENT #9301 Sustained critical damage  
WARNING! +0.09% Damage to Mind Palace  
AUDIO PROCESSOR Corrupted audio data – DAMAGED  
_Please contact the nearest CyberLife maintenance center for assistance_.

“Hurry the fuck up and tase it for fucks sake!” A voice hissed desperately.

He looked up to see the glitchy, blurred shapes of one woman and two men, faces concealed in a way that reminded him of the “robbers” appearing in the old cowboy movies Gavin was so fond of. He shook his head slightly, trying to clear the error messages away. He jerked in surprise as one of the men rushed forward to jab him in the chest with a long, thin rod before backing off just as quickly.

13% CONNECTING…  
19% SYNCING IN PROGRESS… 36% SYNC DONE…  
49% COLLECTING DATA… 86% PROCESSING DATA…

CATTLE PROD - TRACES OF THIRIUM, his analysis function managed to give him before the words sparked and faded away. He grit his teeth as the electrical current sliced through him. _These people seem to know enough about the RK900 capabilities that they have tried to prepare themselves for this encounter. Is this premeditated, rather than a random assault?_

∧ 66% LEVEL OF STRESS  
WARNING! Electricity levels dangerously high!  
+46.97k V - 587.13 V/Hz  
WARNING! +0.24% Damage to Mind Palace  
Analysis function, wireless connection OFFLINE!  
REC4LIBRATE?

He must regain control of the situation, _fast._ The high voltage was causing data corruption and malfunction, and he was no longer able to call for assistance. It was unlikely that anyone inside the building had heard the altercation. These humans had managed to deal an improbable and _unacceptable_ amount of damage to him. He leaned backwards to kneel so he could raise his arms in a placating gesture, trying to ignore the bright spike of surprise he felt seeing how badly his hands were shaking.

“Please consider your next actions carefully,” he warned, trying to think of what he could say that would make them leave him alone. “The DPD officers in the building behind me have been notified. You are assaulting an officer of the law, and as of January 1st, 2039, crimes against android citizens have been crimin–”

The pipe hit him in the throat this time, and he choked as he felt something inside him _break_. The man dropped the pipe and kicked Nines in the chest, forcing him onto his back. The man’s boot connected with his jaw once, _twice_ , heavy blows intending to _crush_. He hunched in on himself, trying to roll onto his side so he could protect his head with his arms.

"SHUT UP, shut your _fucking_ mouth, toaster!

“Cut it out, Ross! You gotta be careful where you hit it, man!”

“Shut up, Olsen!”

∧ 74% LEVEL OF STRESS  
BIOCOMPON7NT #3983v DAMAGED  
AUDIO PROCESSOR Corrupted audio data - DAMAGED  
OPTICAL UNIT Impaired vision data  
W6RNING! CORRUPTED MIND PALACE - Analysis function OFFLINE  
_Please contact the nearest CyberLife maintenance center for assistance._

Enable manual designation? > 「Yes」  
DESIGNATE IDENTITY >「ROSS」,「OLSEN」

He spat thirium onto the ground next to him and closed his eyes again, trying to track the argument that broke out above him through the buzz of static in his ear. A boot nudged at his shoulder, forcing him to flatten out from his curled position. He opened his eyes wide when it ground downwards onto his throat.

“You think I give a shit about whatever fucking bullshit law they passed?” Ross growled down at him. The man was smiling, though his tone was angry. The man forced out a laugh as he pressed his foot down harder.

“This is just property damage. All of you metal fuckers are just asking for shit like this after last year. But _you_ ,” the smile widened, “you and that android-loving motherfucker partner of yours deserve _special treatment._ ”

Nines tried to suppress the immediate flare of worry he felt at the reference to Detective Reed. He locked eyes with the man above him when he felt a small shift, something _straining_ before a sharp _CRACK!_ sounded in the air. The boot suddenly sank further down and its owner tripped, lurching forwards off of his neck and out of his field of vision. Nines' fingers gingerly pressed against the broken chassis under his chin, coughing wetly as thirium welled under his hands.

∧ 79% LEVEL OF STRESS  
BIOCOM2ONENT #3983v, #4717g DAMAGED  
QIOCOMPONENT #2308h Sustained critical damage  
WARNING! Thirium levels dropping!

Olsen knelt down and fumbled at where Nines’ hands were curled protectively over his fractured throat, prying the blue-stained fingers back to inspect the breakage underneath.

“ _Goddammit_ , Ross, you fucking idiot! You weren’t supposed to fuck up its throat!” he yelled.

Nines’ brow furrowed in confusion. The feeling only grew when the woman spoke for the first time.

“I have an idea. We don’t even have to force it to drink it, now that it’s down. Here, give me a hand, will you?”

She knelt down, and Nines flinched when her hand slid down to rest over his sternum. He tried to push her off, but his central processor was sluggish, committing too much MRAM to compensate for his injured biocomponents and thirium loss. The other two each managed to grab one of his arms and pin him down to stop his interference. He tried to speak, but his voice came out glitching and machine-like, unable to form the sound into any real words. He coughed again and felt thirium rivulets run down his cheeks. He felt cold. He felt weak. He felt _scared._

Connect to wireless network? > 「Yes」  
WARNING! CORRUPTED 5IND PALACE  
Wireless con&ection OFFLINE!  
RECALIBRATE?

∧ 82% LEVKL OF STRESS

He began to writhe, panic flooding his systems when the woman tore through the buttons on his shirt to get a hand on his thirium pump regulator. An abrupt thought hit him, and felt the first sting of tears in his eyes.

_I am going to die here._

His entire body spasmed when he felt his thirium pump regulator rotate and click, allowing it to be removed with a sickening _CLUNK._ He opened his eyes, but the error dialogue was flashing brightly, unable to be dismissed. He gasped and bucked, desperately trying to throw his assailants off of him.

VITAL SYSTEM DAMAG8D  
-00:01:45 TIME REMAINING XEFORE SHUTDOWN  
BIOCOMPONENT #8456w MISSING  
W9RNING! Thirium levels below 75%!

∧ 89% LEV@L OF STRESS

“Okay come on, come on! We’re almost fucking done! Kill it already!”

He cried out when a new warning popped up underneath the large text obscuring his vision.

#ARNING! FOREIGN CONTAMINANT DETECTED IN THIRIUM SU7PLY  
CONTACT CYBERLIFE IM0EDIATELY FOR ASSISTANCE

VITAL SYSTEM %AMAGED  
-00:00:17 TIME REMAIN// NG BEFORE SHUTDOWN

∧ 93% LEVEL OF STRESS

_I thought I had more time._

His struggling finally weakened. He couldn’t really hear anything over the screaming static that only seemed to get louder, but he could feel the wetness under his eyes, the heaving sobs carving their way out of his chest, and he knew that he was crying.

He felt terror, anguish, and regret seize him, harrowing, and he went still, and he wondered if the emotional shock was going to kill him before he could shut down. He closed his eyes.

He thought of Gavin.

∧ S6FTWARE INSTABILITY  
∧ 97% LEVEL OF STRESS

His body convulsed for a few seconds when she shoved his regulator back in. He drifted in and out of true alertness as the trio abandoned him in the alleyway. He couldn’t really move his body much past weakly curling into a ball, feeling thirium trickle out of his broken chassis to pool underneath his shoulder and head.

VITAL SYSTE9 DAMAGED  
-00:38:04 TIME RVMAINING BEFORE SHUTDOWN

∨ 85% LEVEL OF STRESS  
RECALIB7ATE? > 「Yes」  
RECALIBRATING… RECALIBRR001 01 10

All systems in LOW POWER MODE  
THIRIU1 PUMP REGULATOR - DEFECTIVE  
WARN11 010 ! THIRIU 00UPPLY CONTAMIN1ATED! CO1 NTACT 10 001ERLIFE FOR ASSI11 010 1 001 100 1 

A very small _something_ tugged at him, and he his forced his eyes open. He looked up to see the back door fly open, Connor’s wild eyes frantically looking back and forth before their gazes met. His LED glowed bright red and his mouth moved in frantic, silent yelling. Nines closed his eyes again when he felt one pair of hands meet his own, and another very, _very_ carefully brush his ruined cheek. Connor’s panic bubbled through their interface, but it was hidden underneath the heavy, comforting words that draped over him like a warm blanket.

_You’re safe._

∨ 40% LEVE1 011 OF STR1 ESS


	2. Me: [07:46 AM] where r u lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my beta: i can tell you realllllly like gavin  
> me: hhhh what do you mean lmao

If you were to ask him, Gavin would say everything was good. Everything was _great_ , actually, thanks for asking. He and Nines were closing cases like nobody’s business, and they were currently in the lead for the most cases solved in the new year after the android revolution. _Suck it, Anderson._

He was big enough to admit to himself that Nines was probably the main reason his life was so great right now. After an outright hostile first meeting and a few too many borderline violent arguments, they spent unbearably tense months learning to work together before he and the android had managed to become friends. Hell, he’d even call Nines his _best_ friend. Right after Tina, _obviously._

They were a strange pair, taking Gavin’s former stance on androids into consideration. Getting to know Nines and Connor had pried Gavin’s eyes open to a lot of issues he had, issues he’d worked on, and he’d like to think that he’d grown out of his instinctual asshole attitude at least a _little_ over the past year.

One thing he could say without a sliver of doubt was that he had helped Nines learn how to mellow the fuck out. Dude used to be _way_ too intense.

 _Doesn’t help that he’s tall as shit and and can come off as scary intimidating when he wants to. He looks super hot when that happens, though_ , Gavin thought, before he shoved that feeling deep, _deep_ down within himself. _I don’t have time to deal with being in love or whatever right now_ , he berated himself.

Today was going to be a _good_ day. He and Nines had finally closed one of their huge Fuck-Off-Make-34-Mob-Arrests stings yesterday, which meant _today_ Nines would bring donuts to work, and he wouldn’t even complain when Gavin ate way too many than was probably healthy. Some shit about _“positive reinforcement”_ and finding some kind of twisted happiness in conning him into eating at least one of the alternative and boring options he always brought along. Like whole grain breakfast bars, or a banana. Which, as far as Gavin was concerned, was an abomination when there were donuts to eat.

_Whatever. It made Nines happy._

Besides, thinking about his crush made him feel more exhausted than he already was. He shivered as he finally shouldered his way inside the precinct. The end of autumn could only linger for so long, and the first threads of icy wind had begun to weave themselves inside alleys and empty buildings within the city.

He shrugged off his jacket to lay it over the back of his chair, looking around to see where Nines was. He could pretend that he was just itching for his rare sugar fix, but the honest truth was that he missed him. It sounded stupid, even in his own head, but he hadn’t been able to hang out with him or have a casual goddamned conversation in _forever._ They had been up to their fucking eyeballs in the final investigation details for the mob case for over a week. Nines successfully tricked him into catching a couple hours of sleep whenever he could afford it, but as far as he could tell Nines hadn’t rested at all. _Freaky androids._

He was pretty sure he was running on pure coffee and the ghost of adrenaline at this point, despite passing out in his apartment sometime after 4 AM once he left the station. He was going to ride the high of closing the case, eating donuts, and finally relaxing for a hot minute as far as it would take him, _dammit._

He sprawled in his chair, rolling over to bother Tina for a while before she waved him off. He huffed, kicking his heels at the floor to meander back to his station. He caught Connor watching him with mild curiosity, and he grinned at him, letting his chair glide to a stop at his desk. Connor blinked a few times, LED glowing blue before he beamed back, letting his eyes scrunch up.

 _Cute_ , Gavin thought. _Wish I could get Nines to smile like that, Conman._

He sighed and checked the clock for the third time in as many minutes. _Where the hell is Nines, anyway? He’s usually here at like 7 AM, fuckin’ weirdo._ He pulled out his phone and tapped on his thread with Nines.

 **Me: [07:46 AM] where r u lol  
Me: [07:46 AM]** 🍩🍩🍩

He flicked the mouse to boot up his terminal, attention still held by his unresponsive phone. _What the hell? ___

Even when Nines was like, legit busy he could usually spare the juice to at least text him and say so. He fidgeted, annoyed, erratically drumming his fingers against the surface of his desk. He startled when a crumpled ball of paper bounced off his head and onto the floor. He turned to catch the daggers Hank’s glare threw at him.

“Uh, the fuck was that?” he demanded, though there was no heat behind the question. He and Hank probably wouldn't ever be friends, but the Electric Duo had made them play nice recently. They probably even functioned as coworkers that got along and all that shit now. He checked his phone again. _Still no response._

“Knock it off with the percussion, will ya? You’re driving me crazy.” Hank grouched back.

Gavin rolled his eyes. _Calm the fuck down, Reed. Dude’s allowed to not be early for work. Fuck, he’s allowed to be late for work too._ He peeked at his messages again.

_Nines has never been late for work…_

**Me: [07:49 AM] hey are you ok  
Me: [07:49 AM] my donut delivery is late :(**

**Me: [07:53 AM] Nines?**

He glanced up at his monitor, trying to motivate himself to start working on something. There was still a fuckton of paperwork to finish from their very early morning, unless Nines had stayed to keep working on it after convincing Gavin to go home. _I fucking hope not_ , he thought. _He must be tired too._

**Me: [07:56 AM] niiinnneesssss  
Me: [07:56 AM] ok seriously are u playing hooky? **

**Me: [08:00 AM] dude  
Me: [08:00 AM] and you didn’t even invite me :( :( :(  
Me: [08:00 AM] nines  
Me: [08:00 AM] nines**

**Me: [08:01 AM] nines nines nines nines niens ninesninenisnens  
Me: [08:01 AM] oh shit  
Me: [08:01 AM] it’s OFFICIAL  
Me: [08:01 AM] you are LATE FOR WORK, NANTHONY**

**[08:08 AM] CALLING “Cloud9☁️✨”  
[08:10 AM] UNABLE TO CONNECT CALL**

“Okay, what the _fuck._ ” he muttered. He still thought it was crazy that his phone calls beamed directly into Nines’ brain, but there was no way that he wouldn’t answer.

He looked up at the door, half hoping to see Nines just now rushing in, but found himself distracted again by Connor. _Jesus_ , dude was zoned the hell out. Hank was even snapping his fingers in front of Connor’s nose to try and get his attention.

“Hey! Connor! Are you even listening to me?” Hank bitched, scowling at Connor’s blank face.

 _What the fuck?_ Gavin wondered, watching as the LED furiously spun into a flashing yellow. Connor suddenly stood with jerky movements, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Hey! Woah there, Con, what’s wrong? Are you—” Hank’s question cut off as Connor’s LED arced into a vivid red.

“I don’t. I—I don’t know. Something is wrong, Hank. _Something is wrong._ ” He stammered, his arms creeping upwards to hug his chest. He seemed to fold in on himself, like he was trying to make himself smaller.

Gavin stood, moving around his desk towards where Hank was hovering, worry pinching his face. He almost stepped back when Connor’s eyes snapped up to meet his, expression contorted in a nameless horror.

“Gavin. I—It's Nines. I can’t— I. There’s something—” he didn't bother finishing the fragmented sentence before he turned and started to run. Gavin stared after him _like a fucking idiot_ for a few seconds until he managed to convince his feet to move.

He chased after Connor, dodging coworkers and and ignoring Hank’s loud cursing that echoed down the hallway after them. He bolted down another corridor and realized Connor was heading towards the service delivery entrance, sprinting several feet ahead of him at a speed that he couldn’t match. Connor literally crashed into the door, shoving it open so quickly it flew backwards and slammed into the wall. He slowed when Connor froze in the doorway, but started running faster when the android yelled for him over his shoulder.

“GAVIN, HE’S HERE, HE’S HURT!”

Gavin stumbled, barely managing to catch himself before he face planted into the linoleum. He tried to steady himself, staggering to a stop and gripping the doorframe to catch his breath for a second. He followed Connor down the stairs, swiveling his head around to see where he had seen his partner, and stopped cold when Connor knelt down on the ground.

_Oh Jesus fuck. No, no, no, nonono. God, no._

Nines was splayed on his back in the dirt, like... _like a fucking butterfly_ pinned to a board, his head turned towards them. His jaw was splintered open, and a gaping, caved-in hole under his mangled chin exposed dark, cracked chassis and delicate wire.

He froze for a second, unable to comprehend what he was looking at. Part of his brain took over to start spitting out forensic analysis at him.

_Blunt force trauma. Thirium splatter. Crushing force, patterned abrasions from the murder weapon. External and likely internal bleeding. Several abraded lacerations with underlying fractures, smaller contusions spread out from the hemorrhaging and ragged defects in the skin._

Nines had lost so much blood, it was hard not to go missing in the blue blue _blue._

For one agonizing moment Gavin thought Nines was dead, until his eyes blinked open and he let out a tiny, broken sob. Gavin choked, his knees buckling until he half-fell-half-knelt by his partner’s side.

He watched Connor reach out for Nines' hands, seizing up and gasping once the light show started. Tremors began to wreak his body, and Gavin frowned. _That’s never happened when they’ve interfaced before, God, Nines must be in a fuckton of pain, fuck!_ He felt useless, lost, until he glanced back down to see that Nines was looking up at him. He let his hand hover over the wreckage of his partner’s throat before gently, _gently_ brushing his thumb against Nines’ cheek.

Nines closed his eyes again, but Gavin couldn’t look away. He couldn’t make himself look at the wounds any longer, he felt like he was looking at a fucking crime scene, _fuck, he_ was _looking at a goddamned fucking crime scene._ It made him feel sick, looking at Nines and seeing a corpse in the making. His LED burned red, the ring cracked, interrupted.

_I almost lost you, FUCK, I still might lose you._

He didn’t know that he had begun to cry until Nines had opened his eyes again, slowly tugging one hand free from Connor’s grasp to hesitantly reach upwards. When Gavin didn’t flinch, he mirrored the human, brushing away one of his tears with his thumb, scrunching up his eyebrows _like he was concerned, for fuck’s sake._ Gavin huffed, trying for a small laugh at the absurdity of Nines worrying about him while he was bleeding out, but the noise that escaped him sounded a little too hysterical. He leaned into Nines’ touch, reaching up with his free hand to smooth his fingertips over the back of Nines’ hand.

He felt anguish. He felt scared. _He felt relief._

“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to help. He’s going to be okay.” Connor whispered, like a mantra.

_Like a prayer._

He trusted Connor to tell him the truth in a fucked-up situation like this. He felt a ghost of a smile pull at his mouth. He looked back down at Nines. _Yeah. You’re going to be okay._

_You have to be okay._


	3. Fuck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i demand tenderness! gentleness! intimacy!

Gavin was still having a hard time coming to terms with being inside New Jericho. _In the fucking android haven. And the goddamed Robo Jesus himself is here, for fuck’s sake._

Connor insisted they bring Nines here though, and Gavin couldn’t really disagree. He figured these guys would be the best bet to be able to rebuild Nines’ face, anyway. After CyberLife crashed and burned, _some buildings quite literally_ , Jericho had been granted access to all of the android-related shit in Detroit, turning warehouses and office space into shelters and apartments. 

The medical and repair center they were in right now was insanely huge, crammed full of so many 3D printers, holograms, screens, and blue blood that it was making him feel dizzy. Androids were everywhere too, bustling in and out completing tasks.

The blond, Simon, seemed to be the dude in charge of Nines' care. He seemed like a pretty sweet guy, willing to let Gavin stick around and get in the way after he had watched him help Connor carry Nines inside and tuck him into one of the medical beds.

Right now they were sifting through code to see if they could wake Nines up without forcing a hard reboot. He had passed out somewhere between Gavin’s car and the bed, and now it was like he’d fallen into a fucking _coma._

A few people wandered in and out, bringing in monitors here and hooking up machines. He wasn't really keeping track, mostly fidgeting next to Nines' bed and tearing into his bottom lip until it bled. He tried to quiet the rising dread that sunk its teeth into him. His hand moved without his permission to Nines' brow, smoothing over the crack in the lazy blue cycle. He startled when he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder, turning to see a woman pushing a cup of water at him.

Her eyes were black, _like all black, what the hell?_ He took in the way her skin shifted around like it was liquid, phasing out to show the plasteel underneath, and the glowing wires spilling down her back like vines growing out of a broken vase. He thought of Nines' blood. He felt like he might throw up. 

"Drink this," she said, in a jacked-up extra roboty voice. "It will help you feel better." Her mouth curved into a soft smile. "I'm sorry I don't have anything stronger for you, Detective."

"Uh, It's — it's okay." he stammered, taking the cup. "Thank you."

 _"You have questions, and you hold them in the shapes of stones. You use them to build a wall around your heart to keep it safe, but it cannot endure.”_ She turned to leave but hesitated, looking back at him before she walked away.

_“You can find your happiness, but you must allow yourself to become weak.”_

He stared after her, dumbfounded, and tried to figure out what the _fuck_ just happend. _First there's the fucking Android Messiah, now there’s a—? Prophet? What the fuck?_

“This doesn’t make any sense,” a blue-haired woman said, breaking his reverie. "All of our scans indicate that his undamaged systems are functioning properly, but his stress levels are still too high. We should also be able to wake him from standby.”

“The assaulters must have done something else to him, something I can’t—we can’t see.” Connor stuttered, guilt cutting away at his voice until it was smaller than Gavin had ever heard.

Some left the room to find alternative solutions, some turned back to screens to find them in the rapid scroll of code. He made himself look hard at Nines. The stains had begun to evaporate, hiding the beep blue soiling Nines’ torn shirt.

_Wait, torn shirt? When did that happen?_

He moved closer, carefully moving part of the blanket he had laid over Nines to inspect the shirt. A few of the buttons had been torn off, like someone had been trying to remove it to expose Nines’ chest, _what the shit._ He pulled the fabric apart.

“Oh holy fuck”, he whispered.

Nines’ chest was bare, skin peeling away to show the chassis curved protectively around the regulator set in his sternum. The thin indicator ring pulsed a deep red to his unstable heartbeat.

“Connor,” he said louder, looking up at him with wide eyes. Connor glared down at the regulator for a moment before resting his hand over it, the skin on his hand fading into white.

“His regulator might be defective. If I take it out I have a better chance of finding out what is causing the problem.”

“Uh, is there a chance that taking it out might kill him?

“Yes.”

Gavin looked down at Nines, and let his thumb brush over the LED again.

“Okay. Okay, yeah, you know what you’re doing.” _Please know what you’re fucking doing._

Nines gasped awake underneath Connor’s hands, trembling and weakly attempting to push him away. His LED flashed red, wide eyes rolling wildly until they settled on Gavin’s face. He glanced up to Connor’s form looming over him, slowly relaxing and looking at Gavin again. The upper portion of what used to be his mouth began to move, emitting a soft buzzing static. He reached up to cautiously press his fingers against his throat, but Gavin stopped his hand with one of his own, carefully pulling it away to thread their fingers together. A small portion of Nines’ upper lip managed to curl upwards into a crooked approximation of a smile.

Connor swiped his fingertips into the ichor coating the empty chamber inside Nines' chest. He clicked the regulator back into place and stuck his fingers in his mouth.

" _Fuck!_ " he hissed, coughing, and spat Nines' blood onto the floor. He grimaced and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, eyelids fluttering while he ran diagnostics. Nines made a small sound, and Gavin tightened his grip on the android's hand, trying to calm him down.

"Nines." Connor started, breaking out of his trance. "Fucking— _fuck._ Your thirium is poisoned, and it's going to ki—" he cut himself off, but Gavin knew what he would have said.

 _Nines isn’t dying, Nines can’t be dying, fucking. FUCK._ He stood, crossing quickly to a corner of the room to begin pacing back and forth, agitation and anger strangling him. He didn't really notice when Simon suddenly started talking very insistently, pulling Connor out of Nines’ room.

_Nines._

He crossed back over to the bed. Nines was kind of vacantly staring at the ceiling, and Gavin broke at seeing the silent tears trickling down his face. He accidentally let loose a sob of his own, and Nines reached for him. He collapsed onto a chair next to the bed, meeting him halfway. He brushed a small kiss onto Nines’ knuckles, not even caring anymore about trying to hide what he felt.

_I’m not going to—If I have to say goodbye to him today…_

He let his head drop onto the bed, scooting closer to hide his face in Nines’ hair, his brow against the LED. Nines pulled away a little, rolling onto his side so he could move closer still, pressing their foreheads together. His hand settled onto the back of Gavin’s neck, thumb stroking lightly behind his ear, and Gavin sighed, feeling tension drain out of him at the grounding touch.

Connor returned with more androids than before, and they murmured softly, whispering to each other about biocomponents and transfusions. They tiptoed around him, not wanting to disturb their embrace, and he knew they must have found a solution.

Gavin _shivered_ when Connor’s hand brushed over Nines’ on his nape, and he knew they were interfacing, probably talking about all the shit they needed to do to make sure Nines didn’t shut down. He tried to get up, get out of the way, but Nines tugged him back down, and he haltingly let himself relax again, feeling a little blitzed out over how soothing the simple touch was.

Connor’s hand lifted, fingertips deviating to run through Gavin’s hair for a moment before he retreated to help begin the transfusions. _Huh._

Gavin let his hand rest on Nines’ waist. He felt peaceful. He felt content. _He felt wonder._


	4. Discharge Summary Report Re:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i’m a scorpio  
> yeAH nines is a scorpio  
> fite me

Enable Systems Diagnostic? > 「Yes」  
CONNECTING… SYNC IN PROGRESS… PROCESSING DATA… 

BIOCOMPONENT #2308h Sustained critical damage  
EXTERNAL FEEDBACK BIOCOMPONENT #9301 Sustained critical damage  
0.20% Damage to Mind Palace

THIRIUM PUMP REGULATOR – MALFUNCTION DETECTED  
WARNING! Thirium levels below 50%! 

RECALIBRATE? > 「No」 

Nines was more exhausted than he had ever been. They had successfully formed plasteel into a new jaw for him, but the skin under his mouth and chin would be deactivated during most of the self repair. He felt ugly, his bare chassis on display as a reminder to anyone who saw him that he was vulnerable.

He experienced malfunctions when they attempted to install new biocomponents in his throat, malicious errors in his software rejecting them even if they were compatible, or Connor’s. He would be able to self repair the ones he needed, but it was time consuming, and until further notice he was mute.

He had been cleared by Simon's medical team, and he was currently inside the DPD while they began setting up the investigation details of his case. He had come into the station to give his assault statement, but due to some developments in the case he had to stay for a few meetings.

"Thanks to your eyewitness account, we were able to confirm the identity of the two men, Alexander Ross and Jacob Olsen. No leads yet on the woman,” Captain Fowler said. “We have also been able to connect them to Samuel Jones. He’s Ross' brother.”

“ _Fuck me_ ,” Gavin muttered, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Nines was inclined to agree, pulling up the man’s rap sheet on a data pad.

JONES, SAMUEL  
Born: 03/19/1995 // Unemployed  
Criminal record: Aggravated assault, aggravated assault of an officer, drug trafficking, domestic abuse  
_Currently serving prison sentence_

It had been a gruesome case. He and Gavin had managed to put him behind bars 6.12 months ago, and Nines had not been prepared to revisit his thoughts to the man anytime soon. Fowler continued, concern seeping into his voice.

“We received an anonymous call last night. So far it has been untraceable, but we're still working on it. The suspects made explicit threats of bodily harm to you and Reed. They also shared a frankly alarming amount of knowledge about your personal schedules and information. It seems like they've been watching you for a long time."

“Oh, what the fuck,” his partner grumbled, snatching the call transcript to look for himself. Nines felt a crooked smile pull at his mouth. He opened his mouth to speak, forgetting, and a fizzle of static sounded before he stopped himself. _Damn it._ He looked up at Connor, pinging what he wanted to say.

“What do we do?” Connor asked in his stead.

“During the investigation, we need to make sure these bastards don’t get near you again. They’ve already gotten lucky once, and I don’t need to give them another damn opportunity. We already know from their little chat that they know where you live, what routes you take to work, and likely more. And with this… ” he trailed off, pulling the report from Jericho closer to skim the details again.

Discharge Summary Report Re: NINES RK900 #313 248 317 – 87  
DOA: 11/15/2038  
DIAGNOSIS: THIRIUM DILUTION

Nines sighed, already having read the report himself before giving it to the Captain. The poison in his thirium supply was designed to cause immediate deactivation or self destruction. They hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly what had caused it to fail - how quickly he was discovered, the thirium transfusions, or something unique in his one-of-a-kind code were all possibilities.

Unfortunately, the poison _had_ been successful at installing a dangerous virus, and that was proving more difficult to control. It kept making unauthorized coding alterations to his programs, as well as interrupting the neurotransmitters in his thirium flow. Any new transfusions of thirium diluted and evaporated within a day of him receiving or drinking it. 

_At least I am no longer in danger of going into shutdown,_ he thought. _Even if it is… aggravating._

Gavin nudged him, having fished a new thirium packet out of the bag they brought. Once he found out Nines was required to increase his thirium intake, he seemed to take great pleasure in preparing straws for him by cutting one end at a sharp angle. It allowed him to easily "stab" the straw into a pouch before giving it to Nines. Gavin likened it to a vintage children’s juice drink that was no longer in circulation, trying to convince him that the best part was the _stabbing._ He wasn’t sure he saw the appeal, reaching to accept the thirium from Gavin.

_It does seem to make him happy._

“I’m authorizing you for two weeks of medical leave, 900. If there have been no new developments in the case by then, we will revisit any requirements for getting you back to active duty.” Fowler continued, looking between him and Gavin. “My concerns for you two are safety-related, because of the specifically personal nature of the threats made against you. We have requisitioned a safe house for you up on Mackinac Island. It is out of DPD jurisdiction, but the MIPD have agreed to work with us during the case. Apparently they insisted on setting up something nice,” he smiled, trying to make light of the situation. 

“What about the case?” Gavin asked.

“We will take the necessary precautions for the rest of the officers that will continue to investigate here, but I have already removed you both due to the personal nature of this case." Captain Fowler's voice mellowed. "Nines _needs_ this medical leave, Gavin, and it’s easier on my paperwork if I can just send you together. This is more of a _very strong suggestion_ , but I won’t hesitate to make it an order if you’re going to pull more of your workaholic bullshit. Can I trust you to keep an eye on him and take a goddamned break for once?” He asked.

Gavin mulled it over, eventually turning to look at Nines with a timid expression. Nines felt his mouth curl into a smile again. He put his hand on Gavin’s arm, trying to convey that he was okay with the situation, and Gavin’s face softened. He smiled before he looked down, trying to hide it before someone saw.

_I want to see that smile again._

∧ GAVIN

“Okay,” Gavin said, looking back up. “When do we leave?”

* * *

The drive up had been mostly uneventful. They had travelled for 4.57 hours by car to Mackinaw City, and they were currently on a pier awaiting the ferry that would deliver them to the island. 

Gavin was still drowsy, having fallen asleep against Nines’ shoulder during the drive. Nines tried to smile, thinking of how peaceful he looked when he was asleep, smoothing out the usual stress and anger in his expression into something soft.

Gavin was… _confusing._ He knew Gavin was his best friend, but he also knew he had grown to care very deeply for him over the recent months. He couldn’t— _he didn’t want to_ silence the affection that evolved within him, weaving itself around his thirium pump like ivy. 

He had never really understood what people meant when they described _holding their breath_ until he had grown closer to him. Sometimes he found himself anticipating Gavin to say or do something new, but he had yet to figure out what he was trying to preconstruct. He couldn’t pretend to know the thoughts and feelings Gavin harbored in his heart, but he knew that something had _changed_ between them.

He thought of the way Gavin hid his smile, and moved closer to hide his face against his temple. He thought of molding his hand to the back of Gavin’s neck, how he shivered when Connor’s hand joined his. How quickly Gavin had relaxed, starved for the small tenderness. He thought of Gavin intertwining their fingers and pressing his lips against Nines’ hand, like he was something that Gavin cherished.

He thought of the tremors that hunted for Gavin when someone touched him with affection.

He couldn’t disregard the atrocity of the situation that brought them here, but a small, _wild_ part of him was grateful that he was here, now, on this pier with Gavin.

“ _Fuck_ , it’s cold out here,” Gavin whined, trying to pull his coat tighter around him. Nines sighed, and tugged at the collar of Gavin's jacket, tapping a finger against the pocket where he knew the man’s badge was. 

Gavin rolled his eyes and frowned. 

"Okay, _smartass_ , I can practically hear some fuckin' _Detective_ remark you want to be making right about now." He sighed. "You're fucking right, I should have brought something warmer,” he grumbled. “And knock it off with the work shit, okay? I don’t want to think about that at all right now. As far as I’m fuckin’ concerned, we’re going on vacation. Besides, I want you to say my—uh.” he cleared his throat, looking down to avoid Nines’ eyes. "Never mind."

He reached out to graze his thumb behind Gavin’s ear, stilling when he looked back up at him. Nines raised his eyebrows to make what he hoped was a _What is it?_ face, wishing that he would continue. Gavin looked away again, but he shifted, moving to rest his forehead against Nines’ shoulder. He sighed, and Nines could hear the relief in the voice muffled against his arm.

“I want you to call me Gavin,” he whispered.

Nines tucked him closer against his side, wishing he could tell him that he was certain that “Gavin” was most likely to be the first word he would say when he regained his voice.

∧ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY

Gavin’s shivering grew worse, and Nines frowned.

Enable manual override? > 「Yes」  
MANUAL OVERRIDE ACCEPT – Internal temperature increase +4.8°C – 3m3/s

“ _Oh, my God_ ,” Gavin murmured in contentment, burrowing like he wanted to get as close to him as he possibly could.

He seemed to waver for a small moment, before he whispered something to himself, too softly for Nines’ audio processor to pick up. Gavin faced him, stepping forward so he could slot his feet in between Nines’. He ducked his head, but not before Nines caught a light blush creeping over his face. He hid in Nines’ neck, gently, _gently_ nosing along the black chassis before pressing against the hinge of Nines' jaw. Chapped lips brushed against his throat, less than a kiss, but easily the most intimacy Nines had ever experienced.

His thirium pump regulator stuttered, but he smiled, savoring the moment.

WARNING!  
THIRIUM PUMP REGULATOR – MALFUNCTION DETECTED  
WARNING! Thi11rium level0 1below 25%!

INTERCancelNAL manual override TEMPERA? TUR00 1 010111 001 100 0 1 

∧ 55% L10 VL 1 STRES1

Nines flinched, tensing as his arms locked up. Gavin pulled back, humming a low noise of confusion. Nines blinked hard, gritting his teeth in frustration at the defect. _Useless, can't even warm myself up for him before having a meltdown._

"Nines?" Gavin's voice was small, but warm, and he was able to shift forward a fraction, a silent request for help or comfort, seeking the ease he found when the other was near. Gavin's eyes flicked back and forth between his before realization dawned and he looked down at where Nines' regulator was. He ducked down to slip away from him, rummaging through one of the bags at their feet to unearth a pouch of thirium. He smiled up at him before slipping back into place inside the rigid ring that used to be Nines' arms. _Easily, like he belongs there._

∧ 001 10FTWARE INST0 111 01 101 00 

Gavin reached up to smooth his thumb along the underside of Nines' chin, smiling in encouragement when Nines was able to relax a little and unlock his jaw. He accepted the thirium, mouth curling upwards at the contrast between the bendy straw Gavin bought for him and the intense concentration he dedicated to holding it steady while he drank.

∨ 21% 111VE L OF STRESS

His arms jerked, relaxing from suspension. He put the empty pouch away and snaked his arms around Gavin's waist, hugging him tightly, trying to communicate his gratitude. He bent to lay his head against Gavin's collar, marvelling at how safe the position made him feel.

_No wonder he likes this so much._

Gavin's hands wandered up to rest against Nine’s neck, fingertips playing with the synthetic hairs at his nape. Nines shivered, curling closer, burying his nose in the junction of Gavin's shoulder.

"It's okay, I've got you." Gavin whispered.

∧ GAVIN  
COMPANION

∨ 09% LEVEL OF STRESS


	5. It's Not Like That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feelings? don't know her

Gavin wanted to faceplant into the couch the second they arrived. His exhaustion fucking hounded him, _relentless_ , and he knew if he didn’t pick a time to rest his body would pick it for him. He’d fallen into shallow sleep again on the boat after Nines’ glitch, shivering and clinging to him in the cold air. 

The MIPD liaison officer showed them around the house a bit and dropped off information packets, detailing safety precautions, escorts, contact info, Nines’ medication, _blah blah blah etc._ He rifled through a few cabinets in the kitchen before he discovered the blue blood stash, crammed full of shiny silver bags of 310. _Jackpot._ He grabbed a few handfuls to shove into the fridge, knowing that when Nines was running a little haywire he preferred to drink it cold _like an absolute weidro._

He was in between checking the outside locks on the windows and securing the firearms in the safe when the phone they gave him rang. Fowler had been worried about Gavin's piece of shit phone being hacked by those fuckers that tried to get Nines, so it was currently back at the DPD until they could make sure there wasn't any malware or bugs on it. They'd given him and Nines burners for the trip programmed with a shitton of emergency contacts in case things went sideways. He flipped it open. 

"Reed."

"Gavin!" _Tina._

"Oh, God, hi Teeny," he said, a smile creeping onto his face despite the crack in his voice.

"Hey, wait, are you even allowed to be calling me?" He asked, trying to choke the soft panic curling around his throat before it could choke him. He knew Tina would never intentionally endanger him. 

"Relax, this is technically one of your official DPD check-in correspondences. Fowler let me call to make sure you and Nines made it up there okay. How are you two doing?" It sounded like she was smiling, but he could hear the anxiety straining her voice. He took a deep breath, rubbing at his face with his free hand. 

"I'm fuckin' fine, and that's the real problem, isn't it." He muttered, anger cooled into resignation by his exhaustion. 

"Gav," Tina started, but he cut her off. 

"They could have killed him, Tina, he almost di—” His throat seized, the words unable to escape his mouth, turning into a muzzle. 

"Gavin, breathe,” she reminded him, and he pulled the phone away from his face so she wouldn’t hear his sharp hisses of air. He counted in his head, trying to calm himself down. He couldn’t see Nines from here, and he tried to crush the urgent need to go inside and check on him that was skewering his insides.

Nines had been pretty shaken up about earlier when he froze up. That had scared him, a little, seeing the panic in Nines' eyes and the split LED shining red again. 

"It's fine. _He's fine._ " Gavin said softly, not sure who he was trying to reassure. 

“How is he?” She asked softly. He winced, trying to decide which pieces of the truth he could bear to give up.

“He’s… doing better?” He tried, knowing it wasn’t enough. “The Jericho techs figured out what was wrong with him, he—his blood. Um. They poisoned him.” Tina sucked in a surprised breath, but she kept quiet, knowing there was more.

“He’s doing a lot better now, obviously, part of why we’re here is so he can get back on his feet. I’ve been helping him stay calm about the whole thing, he gets pretty frustrated.”

“Why?”

“Oh right, they fucked up his throat, he can’t talk right now.”

“Jesus,” she breathed.

“Yeah, but he’s working on it.” He cleared his throat. “I can usually hug him or whatever and it’ll bring his stress down.”

“Oh, _Gavin._ ” He did _not_ like the sad sympathy he could hear in her tone.

“What?” he said, trying not to snap at her. He knew he couldn’t play dumb for long. She hesitated, but eventually spoke again.

“Gav… are you gonna finally grow a pair and tell him?” He spluttered.

“Fuck, no!”

“Why not?”

“Christ, Tina! This is probably the worst possible time I could pick! Did you not hear the part about him _almost dying?_ ” he hissed, trying not to veer into hysterics.

“Gavin,” she said patiently, “Chris practically had to drag you away when the paramedics arrived with blue blood for him. He said that he’s never seen you like that.”

“Like _what_?”

“Scared.”

He flinched, tensing up even as the fight left as quickly as it had come. _She’s right_ , he thought. _She always is._

He was tired of fighting with himself, tired of trying to hide what he felt for Nines. It was like trying to hide a cough, pressure building on the back of his tongue until it could be unbearable and tears threatened to spill. It _hurt_ , and he knew it was hurting him. It broke his heart.

“Well, he’s right about one thing. I _am_ fuckin' scared. They really hurt him, Tina, and it probably fucked me up a little bit. Or a lot. I feel like shit about it when _he’s_ the one that got attacked, so don’t bother letting me know.”

“ _Gavin_ , no, I wasn’t thinking that.” She assured him. He huffed.

_Just spit it out, Reed._

“And, well. We've been. We hold each other, and uh. That helps us both, I think.”

“Oh my _God_ , Gavin, I can’t believe you’re worried about this after telling me that!”

_Fuck, I can’t make myself talk about this shit much longer._

“It’s not—it’s not like that. But I’ll think about it, okay?” He said, knowing it fell too short of a promise. Tina knew too, but she didn’t call him out on it. They said their goodbyes, and he headed back inside, looking for Nines.

He found him curled up in one of the bedrooms, LED circling a soft blue as he slept. Gavin gently tugged off the android’s shoes and placed them neatly by the door, before spreading a blanket over his partner. He turned off the light and closed the door. He retreated into the other bedroom, but made sure to leave the door open a little in case Nines needed something.

He shrugged out of his jacket, kicked off his boots, and pulled his shirt off, dropping onto the bed and letting his face hit the pillow.

_I’ll just lay here for a minute _, he thought, before he fell asleep.__


	6. GAVIN: COMPANION 🔒

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this flavor of longing is partly inspired by [Is There Somewhere](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15615837/chapters/36257844) by [connorsmarkus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neganstonguething/pseuds/connorsmarkus) because i think about that fic a lot... and what it feels like to have the urge to ask permission to be loved

_“Tase the fucker again,” the voice floated closer. Laughing._

_Nines opened his eyes, squinting in the heavy darkness. Dread seeped into the cracks he hadn’t had yet had time to fully repair. He couldn’t see anything, why couldn’t he see anything?_

_I should not be here._

_“He’s here! He’s hurt!” Connor stood over him, visibly distressed, yelling something that he couldn’t hear. He tried to push Connor off of him, tried to look past him for something—someone he couldn’t see._

_Connor? Who is hurt? Did something happen?_

_RECALIBRATE? > NO  
1101 1CAL 01BR??10 00 > 11 N001 1 _

_He tried to move, but his arms were pinned down. Someone was holding him down? He struggled, pushing against the unyielding barrier that pinned him. A door burst open with a loud sound and he turned his head to see the woman who tried to kill him, standing with masked men, surrounding a bloody and beaten figure._

_“No, no, NO, NONONO! PLEASE NO!” The man’s familiar voice screamed._

_Scared, angry, tortured._

_Gavin? GAVIN? He opened his mouth to call out to them, to stop them, but he choked, his mouth filling with thirium. They’d found Gavin, they had come to kill Gavin like they had come to kill him. The thirium spilled from his mouth, his chassis, his eyes, swallowing him, drowning him under its weight._

Nines gasped, startling himself awake. Long seconds passed while he shook, blinking into the dark to reorient himself, slowly remembering where he was and why he was here. He squeezed his eyes shut at a sudden onslaught of error dialogue.

STANDBY RECALIBRATION INTERRUPTED  
Auto System Diagnostic PROCESSING DATA…  
THIRIUM PUMP REGULATOR – MALFUNCTION DETECTED  
WARNING! Thirium levels below 75%!

∧ 53% LEVEL OF STRESS

RECALIBRATE? > 「No」

He sighed, curling into something small, trying to comfort himself. He knew some androids suffered night terrors after deviation, but he had never personally experienced something like this. It was extremely disorienting to relive his memories this way, distorted and unreliable, narrating the sequence of events. He knew he had been assaulted instead of Gavin, but that same small and defiant part of him _pulled_ , forcing him out from under the heavy blankets.

Nines slowly made his way forward, fumbling in the dark for the doorknob, having to make more than one attempt to force his hand to function properly. He stumbled out into the hallway, noting that the other bedroom door was already slightly ajar. _Is Gavin still awake?_

He softly knocked, glancing inside and pushing the door open wider when he was met with silence.

∧ 61% LEVEL OF STRESS

His breath stuttered when he caught sight of Gavin in the low light, passed out on top of the covers. His stress ticked downwards underneath his agitation, processors calming now that he had visual confirmation that Gavin was unharmed.

He settled more comfortably in the doorframe, content to remain until his stress levels lowered further. He needed to stay here and and convince his stubborn preconstructive anxieties that Gavin was _fine_ , and listen to Gavin’s soft breathing for a moment. _Just for a moment._

Nines knew they needed to talk.

Nearly dying had shaken him to his very core, but the profound compassion that Gavin and Connor had shown him in the aftermath brought him peace. He knew he wasn’t okay, but deep within himself, buried under plastic and wire and metal in his heart that he could be. He would be.

He was worried about Gavin. He knew what had happened had cracked him open, exposing deeper wounds that Nines only had the chance to glimpse in passing. But it had also… freed Gavin, in a way. He was more openly affectionate with Nines than he had ever been, allowing himself to reach out and touch, allowing Nines to reach back in return.

Nines welcomed the change in their relationship, but he needed more information. He needed to know if this was because Gavin was helping him recuperate, or if there was something else there. It was exceedingly frustrating that his voice was damaged at a time like this. 

_I care about him, that much I am certain. But is there more? Is this something we can share?_

ANALYZE > Yes  
18% CONNECTING…  
32% SYNCING IN PROGRESS… 45% SYNC DONE…  
68% COLLECTING DATA… 87% PROCESSING DATA…

_Connor’s apprehension, relief, and joy surging into their interface after Gavin had apologized, taking the first step to rebuild the bridges burned between them. Connor’s gentle explanation that there should be “no such thing as an overdue apology” when Nines expressed his soft confusion. “If I am more than my worst mistakes, then so is he.”_

_The unfamiliar weight of Gavin’s hand spread across his shoulders. A half embrace of greeting as he walked by, the detective already pulling away, attention on his phone._

_The first time Gavin convinced him to accompany him and Officer Chen to drinks after a long shift, and his quiet surprise when they dragged him to Connor’s favorite android-friendly establishment. He was going to be upset when he found out Gavin had managed to persuade him to come here before he had._

_“Nines! COME ON!” Gavin’s wild laughter, a warm hand pulling at his wrist to flee the impending wrath of the lieutenant after an ill-advised prank. The wrinkles pulling at the corner of Gavin’s eyes as he grinned._

_The small smile that formed on his face, familiar, absentminded, like it belonged there as he deliberately antagonized Gavin at work, anticipating the harsh words he knew would mellow into exasperated fondness and a stubborn smile pulling at his partner’s lips._

_Hands on his cheek, cradling his face, brushing against his temple, caressing his jaw. Lips pressed to his throat._

GAVIN 🔒  
COMPANION

∧ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY  


∧ 67% LEVEL OF STRESS

CHOOSE APPROACH?

* * *

Gavin woke slowly, groaning at the ache in his neck and shoulder. He yawned, rolling onto his side and reached for his phone in the slow pulse of dim light, half wondering how long he’d been out. A soft sound drew his eye and he froze, looking up to see Nines slumped against the door, already watching him. He looked exhausted. Tiny blips of blue swirled through his yellow LED.

Nines opened his mouth before it clicked shut again, and he looked at the floor. Gavin tried to get his brain to come back online, bracing one elbow against the bed to shift upright a little.

“Are you okay?” His voice was rough, and he tried clearing his throat.

Nines didn’t answer, _couldn't answer, idiot_ , and moved closer, dropping to kneel by the bedside. He reached up to hover both hands over Gavin’s face, but hesitated, waiting to see if the contact was welcome. Gavin let out a breath and leaned into the touch. Nines’ hands were warm, tilting his face to each side like he was checking him over for injuries. One thumb wandered to rest against his jugular for a moment, feather-light pressure, and he shivered, realizing Nines was seeking his heartbeat. The android's eyes were full of worry in the blinking yellow light. Gavin frowned, feeling the wheels begin to turn in his head.

“I’m okay,” he whispered, sliding the fingers of his free hand up Nines’ forearm to gently wrap them around his wrist. The android's expression soured when he tried to speak, only able to produce a harsh, glitched-out noise. Gavin huffed a small laugh at Nines' annoyance.

"Sorry—," he started, but cut himself off when Nines shook his head in a slight _no_. He pulled away, tugging his wrist free from Gavin’s hand so he could hold it in his own. He used his other to point at himself before splaying it over his sternum. Gavin eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"You're sorry? He guessed, squinting at Nines when he nodded _yes._ "Why?"

Nines looked a bit guilty, glancing at the doorway where he had been standing and watching Gavin sleep. He gestured to his own eyes and then to him, an approximation of _I'm watching you._ Gavin frowned again.

"'S alright," he mumbled, thoughts racing. _He woke up out of stasis too early. He came in here to check on me. He needed to see for himself that I was all right..._

"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked gently, not wanting to spook him. Nines looked away, but Gavin didn't miss the stiff nod of admission. He squeezed Nines’ hand, wondering if pushing this would help or make things worse.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He winced, hoping he wasn’t stepping over an invisible line.

Nines looked him in the eye, teeth worrying at his new bottom lip. He shook his head _no_ , moving their joined hands down to press a kiss against Gavin’s knuckles before bowing his head to rest them against his forehead. He hunched in on himself, beginning to tremble against the edge of the mattress. Small, hiccuping bitten-off sobs made Gavin’s heart clench in his chest.

He scooted backwards to make room, tugging Nines up off the floor and onto the bed. He pulled Nines into his arms, wrapping around him as he clung and buried his face under Gavin’s chin. He held him for a long time, rubbing slow circles into the center of his back, whispering soft nonsense and humming small melodies. Nines slowly calmed down as he listened to Gavin’s heartbeat, eventually letting out a shuddering breath as the glow of his LED filtered into a peaceful blue. 

He could almost cry with how quickly relief flooded through him when he pulled Nines close. He knew he had some difficulties with letting people get too close to him, but with Nines, it was different. It always had been. He _craved_ Nines’ touch, like his skin was fucking _hungry_ for it. Nines bled his loneliness and stress away, and it was like he could soothe all of Gavin’s anxiety away just by reaching for him.

Gavin drifted off with the feeling of soft lips brushing against his throat.


	7. AM 03:54:17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nines cares so much boi got software instabilities
> 
> more WONDERFUL artwork drawn by [dittyditto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triple_A/pseuds/dittyditto) hhh it's so SOFT and perfect

Things changed after that.

They learned to coexist in their new temporary normal. They were allowed to wander around when they got bored, but the MIPD was required to have an officer or two tag along behind them, just in case anything came through from the DPD about any suspects having discovered where they were. Gavin bitched about it to Nines _every time_ they went anywhere, ranting about the safety precautions being a little overboard. 

The truth was that Gavin was glad for it all. None of the DPD android employees had suffered major injuries or incidents since the employment laws passed, and he was grateful that Fowler was taking the unfortunate precedent case so seriously. 

There weren't any cars on the island, even barring fully electric models, but Gavin found that he didn't really mind walking. Mackinac was _tiny_ , barely 8 miles all the way around. Every day he would grumble and complain when Nines pulled him outside with a tiny smile, and every day he would enjoy himself.

 _A fool in love._ He wanted to smack himself.

He had to admit that this place was kind of pretty. Most of the island was a state park, with several paths trailing through tall, frozen trees. There were natural rock formations and stone cliffs looking out over the ocean, boardwalks by the water and wide downtown lanes, dotted with benches along the sidewalks and outside quaint shops. 

Sightseeing had never really been Gavin’s thing, but he was happy to go along with Nines. He’d never seen him like this, all easy smiles and bright eyes. Moping when Gavin refused to go out on a walk with him, complaining that it was too cold and that Nines could go on without him.

Nines would make a face that Gavin could _only_ describe as a pout and shake his head _no_ , threading their fingers together and waving between them with his other hand before gesturing outside. It was _cute_ , and Gavin could hardly stand it, feeling it tear at his insides.

_With you. I want to go together. I don’t want to be alone. Stay with me._

It became worse during the nights. Nines didn’t have nightmares every night, but Gavin left his door open anyway. Sometimes he would wake up when Nines would crawl under the covers, huddled on the far side of the bed and trying not to disturb his sleep. Gavin would whisper in the dark and wait for Nines’ nod before slipping an arm around him and dragging him closer, pressing his lips against the back of Nines’ neck. They would breathe in tandem, and he would feel split between agony and relief while he waited for soft blue light.

Nights like tonight were too fucking long. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep unless Nines came in, and he stared at the ceiling, hoping he’d see the glow of the LED in the doorway. It didn’t come before he finally fell into a fitful doze, small feelings of unease trickling into him.

He jolted awake some time later, the creeping threads of his dream fading away. He couldn’t even remember what the fucking thing had been about, but he remembered seeing thirium, and he could feel himself start to become undone. His chest heaved in the dark, and he cursed, scrubbing at his face to try and wipe away the hot tears beginning to fall. His breaths came faster, hitching in his throat and making it hard to focus on anything. A chilling dread pierced through him, and he felt its fist squeezing around his pounding heart in a crushing grip. He panted, fighting and failing for oxygen, and he couldn’t stop himself from making tiny, whimpered cries. Panic froze him to the bone, giving him shakes and making him lose feeling in the tips of his fingers. 

And then there were arms were around him, pulling his back against a warm and solid chest. He floundered for Nines’ hands, choking back sobs even as he felt a tiny stab of reprieve. Nines wrapped the arm underneath them around him in a secure grip, fingers curved around his ribcage. His other hand began to softly brush through Gavin’s damp curls, and Nines began to take slow, deliberate breaths. His glitchy voice crackled in the dark for a moment, before a quiet, low hum began, a soft ballpark melody.

Gavin closed his eyes, holding fast to the arm covering him like a shield as tremors tore through him. He couldn’t concentrate on counting through the haze his brain was swimming in, but Nines’ deep breathing helped, and eventually his scraping gasps were soothed into easy sighs. He rolled in Nines’ grip, pushing him onto his back so he could lay half on top of him and hide his face in his neck. He shuddered when Nines’ hand stroked up his spine to rest on his nape, the other settling on the small of his back.

 _God, we need to fucking talk about this_ , he thought. _I feel like I fucking belong here. Right here._ A few last tears slid down his cheek.

_I want to stay here for the rest of my life._

He felt numb. He felt comfort. _He felt hope._

* * *

TIME  
AM 03:54:17

STANDBY RECALIBRATION INTERRUPTED  
Auto System Diagnostic CONNECTING… SYNC IN PROGRESS… PROCESSING DATA…

BIOCOMPONENT #2308h Sustained minor damage  
EXTERNAL FEEDBACK BIOCOMPONENT #9301 Sustained minor damage  
0.04% Damage to Mind Palace

THIRIUM PUMP REGULATOR – MALFUNCTION DETECTED  
RECALIBRATE? > 「No」

Nines squinted, LED arcing into yellow as he tried to determine what had drawn him out of stasis. His nightmares were becoming rare, and he wasn't going to blind himself to the damning evidence that sleeping next to someone had kept the night terrors away. _Sleeping next to Gavin, specifically._

Earlier in the evening he had almost gone into Gavin's room instead of his own out of habit, quickly correcting his course to disappear into the room he was meant to be sleeping in. He doubted he would be turned away, but he didn't want to push Gavin's kindness past what he was prepared to offer. Nines was pretty sure he knew what he wanted, but he didn’t know how to begin to ask for it.

He held his breath, letting his visual data adjust to the heavy darkness. A whisper of sound came through the crack in the door, and his eyes widened when he identified it as weeping.

Gavin’s door was open, and he was curled facing away from the door, tremors rattling through him as he cried. Nines slipped under the covers and tugged him close, cradling him as he worked to soothe the panic that was spiking through Gavin’s vitals. His voice was slowly mending with time, and he found he was able to emit soft tones, hoping the sound would bring as much comfort to Gavin as it had to him. 

Gavin turned over and curled up against his side, wanting to hold him as much as he wanted to be held by him. His frantic breath and heartbeat both slowed into acceptable rhythms, and Nines tightened his arms for a moment before finally letting himself relax as well. Gavin didn’t speak, but he curled closer, nuzzling Nines’ bared throat as the last of the tension slipped away.

Nines stayed awake for a long time while Gavin slept, watching the stubborn popups in his vision, small, fierce, striking him in the heart.

∧ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY

ANALYZE > 「Yes」  
22% CONNECTING…  
41% SYNCING IN PROGRESS… 59% SYNC DONE…  
74% COLLECTING DATA… 96% PROCESSING DATA…

LOVE [luhv] NOUN  
_A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person_

He squeezed his eyes shut, choking on a breath he didn’t need.

_Their shared surprise the first time Nines had made him laugh, LED flashing yellow in mild alarm when Gavin started wheezing and wiping tears from his face before breaking into more giggles._

_Gavin teaching him how to perform a “fist bump”. Nines was unable to stop his analysis programs from cataloguing the texture of his skin, drawing the shapes and conclusions of the scars on Gavin’s hands._

_Last month, one of the worst nights stored in his memory. Cole would have turned 10 that day, and they had been unable so calm Hank's anguish. He was belligerent, veering on violent when they tried to confiscate the alcohol, and Connor eventually called Gavin in a panic because he didn't know what else to do, and he was worried they would be unable to stop Hank from hurting himself. Gavin spoke softly with Hank for hours, trading stories and tears as they passed the bottle between them._

▲ GAVIN

GAVIN 🔓  
COMPANION

CHOOSE APPROACH?


	8. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of gavin's frustrations with expressing his feelings in this fic are a _direct_ channel of my frustrations with figuring out how to write it down lmao
> 
> to quote my beta: just kiss him already you dumb robot

Gavin stirred, sucking in a deep breath. He was already exhausted, even though he knew he had slept for a long time. _God, I fucking hate panic attacks._ He stretched, fidgeting under the heavy arm draped over him.

Nines flinched, blinking sleepily and moving to shy away and give him space. _Oh, no you don’t_ , Gavin thought, chasing after him to wiggle his way back into Nines’ arms. The android lightly settled his hands on Gavin’s hips to pull him closer, huffing in amusement. A tiny puff of warm air tickled Gavin’s curls, and he tried to suppress the shakes that arose.

He shifted to lie on top of Nines, closing his eyes and letting his fingertips skate across the warm skin under his hands in aimless patterns. He realized too late that neither one of them had a shirt on, and this was _really fucking intimate._

Nines sighed, squirming underneath him, but making no move to push him away. Gavin’s track of thought fizzled away and he drew back a little, propping himself up so he could look Nines in the eye. He avoided Gavin's gaze, a frankly adorable blue blush dusting the freckles high on his cheeks.

He turned back after a moment with an indecipherable expression, looking back and forth between Gavin’s eyes while he bit his bottom lip. Gavin couldn’t help but track the movement, wincing and tearing his eyes up away from Nines’ mouth. 

Nines caught him and stared, mouth slightly agape, his LED flickering yellow. He seemed to find whatever he had been looking for in Gavin's eyes, and his face softened. Gavin could hardly stand the explicit affection and tenderness he could see there, and he shuddered, ducking so he could hide. Nines brought up a hand to his face to stop him, caressing along his jaw before lightly gripping the back of his neck. Gavin couldn’t stop a sharp breath from escaping, nor his eyelids fluttering for a moment.

_Keep it together, Reed._

Any chance of him hiding the turmoil he was feeling shattered when Nines leaned closer to kiss him, hesitating at the last second. The hand on Gavin’s neck didn’t pull; Nines waited for him to react, wide blue eyes brimming with half-doubt-half-hope. Gavin met him in the middle, unable to stop a tiny whimper when their lips met.

Nines' shaking hands slid up into his hair, and they both _shivered_ , swallowing each other’s soft moans and trying to press closer than they already were. Gavin could feel himself begin to unravel, and he gasped when Nines pulled away. He realized he was trembling, and Nines tried to soothe him with static-filled whispers, brushing away the first tears that fell.

“Sorry, I—Sorry.” He tried, and this time Nines didn’t stop him from hiding his face. He pressed a kiss to Gavin’s hair, and stroked circles into his back. Gavin tried to calm his breathing.

“Listen, just. Listen to me for a second, okay?” He started, inhaling shakily. Nines wrapped his arms around him, holding on to Gavin and his words in equal measure.

“I know that I haven’t always been the easiest to get along with, and I know that I’m—I can be a stubborn fucker. I’m not proud of a lot of things that I’ve done, I know I’m not always a good person.” He squeezed his eyes shut when Nines made a small, sad sound.

“Nines, you have to know—or maybe you do now. Nines, I— _God!_ ” He choked, angry with himself, the words unwilling to leave his mouth. He looked back up, terrified of the sad, hurt, or disappointed expressions he might find on Nines’ face.

There was only love there, and it _burned_ him.

He pressed a kiss to the corner of Nines’ mouth before he lost his nerve, bracing to crack himself open and give Nines the power to destroy him.

“I love you.” He whispered. “I’m in love with you.”

Nines jolted underneath him, his hands spasming against Gavin’s spine, but he couldn’t stop himself now, couldn’t stop the confession bubbling up from where he’d buried it. He pressed his face into Nines’ throat.

“I love you so fucking much and it’s driving me crazy. I miss you, I miss you every day and I know that doesn’t make any sense because you’re _right here._ But I miss your voice and your laugh and the way you say my name. I’ve been trying to keep it together because you’re hurt, but it’s hurting _me_ and—” He gasped, trying to take a deep breath to calm his pounding heart.

“You’re every _fucking_ thing inside me, Nines, you’re all I can think about. I love you, I’m sorry. I'm afraid that I'll fuck this all up and push you away, I don't want to do that. I don't want to. You mean _so much_ to me and it scares me. It scares me how badly I want this, how badly I want you. You're my best friend and I-I don’t know how to love you like you deserve, I don’t know how to love you like I want to. I don’t know if I can.” 

Nines let out a quiet, pained cry, cradling Gavin against him.

“I don’t want to push you into loving me back, Nines, like— _God_ there’s so many people out there that could be better for you. I know I—I’m not. I know I might be no good for you.”

Nines did push him away this time, shoving at his shoulder until they could both sit up. Gavin recoiled, looking away and trying to slip out from under the blankets. Nines was having none of it, pulling him close again so he could force Gavin to look at him.

_"Gavin."_

His voice was corrupted, decaying into something more synthetic than it should be. But it was Nines’ _voice._ Gavin’s tears welled up again with a vengeance.

“Gavin. You are—are easy to love.”

He struggled with speaking, but held their gaze, and Gavin flinched, knowing Nines meant every word. Part of him searched desperately for the lie, but he couldn’t find one, and the paranoia was drowning in the sudden surges of terror and joy alike.

“I kissed you because I have—have feelings for you.” Nines continued, smiling crookedly at him and nosing along his cheek. Gavin leaned into the touch, a helpless grin beginning to take over his face. Nines continued, murmuring softly.

"There is no one else for me. We can—We can do this together, brave this together. I know I have not always been in touch with my emotions, but I do know one thing for certain. You make me feel happy. You grasp my heart and make me feel _so strongly_ that it gives me instabilities in my software. It took a long time for me to figure out the cause, but now I understand, Gavin, I know that I—I love you. _If you will let me._ ”

“Are you—are you mine?” Gavin whispered, crawling into Nines’ lap and brushing his thumb against the bright blue LED, rippling with little blips of yellow.

“If you will be mine, Gavin.” He whispered back.

There wasn’t enough room inside him to hold the doubt and the nearly overwhelming mix of relief, happiness, and love, and he knew which one he had to let go. He nodded, and Nines beamed, letting his eyes scrunch up.

_Cute_ , Gavin thought, shyly pulling Nines in for another kiss. He felt joy. He felt peace.

_He felt home._

* * *

▲ GAVIN  
LOVER

∧ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i wrote this for the New ERA Discord Winter Big Bang!  
> [The New ERA Discord is here](https://discord.gg/GqvNzUm), please feel free to join! Everyone is welcome!
> 
> I'm not sure where or when the idea came for me, but I wrote the beginning once I knew where the end was going to be. The theme for this big bang was _Finding Home_ , and that idea evoked a feeling of relief, especially after hardship.


End file.
